Teach Your Children Patriotism

We recently visited the Northwest. It was a perfect time of year. Aspen were dawning just as the snow was melting into the streams below. It’s a splendid countryside as bison graze and sleepy bears are occasionally seen in the distance.

“America the Beautiful” was playing on my audio-tour guide as I approached Mt. Rushmore for the first time. The four faces seemed to be looking out over our country. Tears wet my eyes as I yearned for solutions to the mess we’ve gotten ourselves into. I listened to the voice telling me of the creation of this great monument- the obstacles that were overcome to complete it. And my heart longed for a leader-one such leader-to immerge from our concrete culture like one of the four depicted on the mountain.

The week before I’d told my thirty-something sons, “Don’t waste so much energy complaining about the state of our country. Do something. You live in the greatest country with the best government ever imagined.  Get involved in solutions.”  We may not be perfect but we surely are better than any nation mankind has fashioned up to now.

We are still a government  ’for the people’ and ‘by the people.’ And each of us is one of ‘the people.’

At Mt. Rushmore it’s easy to ask, “What do you think of this statue?”

I wonder, “What would they think of us?”

Have You Noticed the Fear?

It seems to me that people everywhere are functioning out of fear. As our security is striped away we begin to shiver in fear. The “what if’s” begin and we wonder what will we do “if . . .” We know the verses of scripture that tell us to ‘fear not.’ And yet we plod onward with a sort of dread or at least hesitancy in our step. Our expectations have been dashed. Many are out of work and others left with no retirement to count on. Not knowing what will happen next causes us to feel uneasy–and fear steps into our former safe spot. Were we really safe before or was that an illusion? Our true security and sense of well being comes from a deeper place.

I suggest we start speaking a sound of security into being. The next time you hear a dreadful or negative remark, counter with a positive one. I know how hard this is for me so I’m committing it to writing here for the world to read. Let’s build up rather than tearing down, let’s inspire rather than turning-off, let’s encourage rather than discouraging.

When I was a single mom there were many dark days. And even more disappointments. Using energy to resist it didn’t help. Learning to accept this world as it is and still move onward helped more than any formulas or techniques. Simple faith can be an a amazing thing.

Will you join me in this effort? You never know how your word will turn another’s world around. Start today.

Friends Invite You to Grow

A friend is one who knows you as you are, understands where you’ve been, accepts who you have become, and still gently invites you to grow. -unknown

Personalities and the Single Mom

A story by Virginia “Ginny” Gilbertsen           

I have a Popular Sanguine-Powerful Choleric personality which means that  I love to play, have fun, make you laugh, and gives lots of hugs!  If there is fun to be had, I am there!  But, when the fun is gone, I either crash or go into work mode.  At 26, I got married in June, bought my first house in July, had my first baby in February and buried my first husband in November.  The Popular Sanguine crashed and the Powerful Choleric took over. 

My son, Dennis, was 10 months old when my husband passed away.  Being Popular Sanguine and knowing how much I wanted to be approved by others, my Powerful Choleric kicked in.  I went to work three days after we buried my husband.  I cried all the way there and I cried all the way home, but while I was at work, I worked.  When I was at home, I crashed.  In pure Sanguine mode, I lay on the floor by my baby each night and played with him.  But my heart was broken.

As Dennis got older, I focused on being the  BEST parent.  My Peaceful Phlegmatic mother and Choleric-Melancholy father didn’t take me out of the house much. So, this little Sanguine sat in her room all day.  This was not going to happen to my son!   Each Saturday morning just as I got out of bed, I would load the bike into the back of the truck, drive to our destination, put Dennis in the child seat and take off!  One year, we went on a three week vacation that spanned from St. Louis, Missouri to Disneyworld, California….and I drove!

I began to notice (it took awhile because being Popular Sanguine I was too busy bouncing everywhere)  my son just didn’t seem happy!   So I took him more places and the more I took him places, the more unhappy he seemed to be.  The child seemed to be happy at home…YUCK!  Then, I met Kathryn Robbins of Personality Principals, LLC (www.personalityprincipals.com) and the mystery was unlocked as she taught me about the personalities.  I mainly soaked in the “emotional needs” information helping me to realize that I was driving my son crazy!  As a Peaceful Phlegmatic this little guy needed some peace.  I began leaving him at home because as a Sanguine, I just want people to be happy!  This worked for many years.  Until, yes, the teens!  Wow, Peaceful Phlegmatics on hormones don’t work the same.  We began having many problems.  As a Peaceful fighting learning disabilities and the school system was too much!  I was so devastated. Where was the acceptance in this?  Why couldn’t I be more the Perfect Melancholy and get these details straight?  Or, why couldn’t I be more Peaceful and relax?  My son was struggling and of all things, my occupation was: special education teacher!  I clung to the scripture in Psalms that says, “We are fearfully and wonderfully made.” I remembered all of the promises in the Bible about the orphans and the widows, and got down on my knees.

 Now, as a Powerful Choleric, letting go was not  easy and I still struggle.  Life was just not fun!  I had to let go and find my fun in order to survive.  The end of the chapter isn’t written, but I can tell you that this Popular Sanguine is having fun living her life and loving her son. And this Powerful Choleric is learning to change the things she can and accept the things she can’t.  But mostly, my heart believes in God.

What Personality Got to Do With It?

As I prepare for a new class for single mothers I wonder if you have stories to tell of how your personality and the personalities of your family effects your life.

Perhaps the personality of your ex or a former relationship made a difference in the course of your life. Perhaps you were not aware of the personality traits of others in your youth and how they caused you to react. Perhaps you haven’t considered personalities before.

Whatever the case personality profiling is extremely valuable, not only at home, but at work as well. In the first classes of “Something Smore for Single Moms” at Calder Baptist, Beaumont we will address Personality Predicaments. You will discover new ways to handle difficult situations.

If you have a story to tell that relates to this subject I’d be delighted to hear from you.

Gail

singlemoms@smoreforwomen.org

The Job Market and the Single Mom

Assessing Career and Educational Options

by Michele Howe.

            On any given day, single moms across the nation will be caught daydreaming about tomorrow. Not that daydreaming is a bad exercise; sometimes the most winning plans have been hatched during these mental wanderings. The kind of musing that hinders rather than helps a single mother reach her goals different. This troublesome visitor incites disappointment, frustration, and impatience. It never allows for the beauty of one’s present life to hold sway. Author David Ireland writes in his book Secrets of a Satisfying Life, “One of the greatest life lessons you can ever learn is to enjoy life through the process of attaining your goals”(103).

            While there might not be any hard evidence to support this fact, it’s pretty clear that society in general places a weighty amount of pressure on women—all women, moms or not—to succeed on many levels, both personal and professional. Today’s single mom will necessarily hold multiple roles, each one vying for her attention and interest. If she’s smart, she recognizes the fact that today’s responsibilities do not define her life as a whole. Life can change in an instant, and often does. There is something to be said for getting into the rhythm of your days. It is important to view life, the few-and-far-between glamorous moments as well as he more mundane yet serviceable bulk of daily responsibilities, as all worthwhile. Everything we do in the next twenty-four hours prepares us in some way for tomorrow. Whether we long for greatness in some obscure professional field or simply hanker to excel at gardening matters little. Our focus, our intent, must be on giving our all today in pursuit of whatever we turn our attention toward.

            Sadly, countless mothers spend precious time wandering mentally into tomorrow’s unknown,  feeding feelings of discontent that eventually override their good sense. Yes, today’s difficulties do take a toll. Still, armed with the right outlook, women can use today’s hardships as stepping-stones to future success. It’s all in one’s viewpoint and ultimate goal. Learning to take everything in its turn enables women to invest in today’s work while eyeing hopeful possibilities for tomorrow. Author David Ireland reminds women that as we seek to live fully on this given day, “the destination seems nearer and the view is more picturesque” (103). It is possible to be totally present in the now and still have a vision for tomorrow. It is!

Still Going It Alone by Michele Howe copyright © 2009 by Hendrickson Publishers, Peabody Massachusetts. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

 

Hold Things in This World Lightly

Donna Erickson’s comment to the post “Growth Spurts,” made me think of  Corrie Ten Boom who said it well: “Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.”

I’ve had that experience of having things I loved pried from my life. You probably have too. I wonder why it takes such hard lessons for us to learn.

One of the pleasures of growing-growing older-is having learned a few of the lessons.

How about you?

Something SMORE for Single Moms

I am creating a curriculum for a single mothers’ class which  will begin in September at my local church, Calder Baptist in Beaumont, Texas.

The materials will be available on the internet to download and use with your groups.

Many of you have requested assistance for starting your own groups or classes. You wanted to know where to begin. This is the best answer that I’ve come up with. I will be glad to share materials with you.

I am also requesting something from you. Many of you have stories and testimonies to share that would benefit other moms. I’m looking for brief illustrations of our eight themes as seen in the column on the right. Please only send stories that fit one of the themes.

If you are willing to have them included in this curriculum  send them to me. Send them via email as an attachment to singlemoms@smoreforwomen.org.

Announcement – New ReTREAT Guidebook

You may now purchase and download the Encouraging Single Mothers to Grow Their Strengths guidebook which will take you through the process of hosting your own intimate in-home retreat.

Go to www.smoreforwomen.org

I’d love to hear from you when you start the process and I’d be glad to assist in any way I can.

Gail

gail@smoreforwomen.org

Growth Spurts for Single Moms

“God never put anyone in a place too small to grow.” Henrietta Mears

Growth of all things amazes me. I enjoy looking at sprouting trees, budding flowers, and of course, children as they grow and change almost daily. And isn’t that what it’s all about? Aren’t we supposed to grow-not just physically, but spiritually as well? For me-that is what it’s all about. And yet we resist the very situations that force us to grow.

I once knew a friend who said every time something difficult happened, “Oh, dear,  here comes another opportunity for spiritual growth.” As I look back on more life than I will have to look forward to I think I can say without a doubt, it is those circumstances which cause us the greatest pain that also bring us the greatest gain in our spiritual journey. Growth that produces strength often comes through resistance. The circumstances we face may bring out or develop a strength in us we didn’t know we had or was even possible. As James says, “when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” NLT

It really is the only time that most of us truly discover that we must let go. That we can’t change the world. That we are not the controller of others. Then a greater power steps up, we hand over the controls, and grace, amazing grace teaches us about growth.

One of my favorite authors, Catherine Marshal, wrote a small book published in 1975 titled Adventures in Prayer. In the chapter “The Prayer of Relinquishment” she states, “. . . the giving up of self-will is the hardest thing we human beings are ever called on to do.” She addresses our fears when she says, “as we force ourselves to walk up to the fear and look it full in the face-never forgetting that God and His power are still the supreme reality-the fear evaporates.” Finally she says, “I saw that a demanding spirit, with self-will as its rudder, blocks prayer.”

So let go and as Catherine Marshall said, “peace will creep into your heart.”