Victorya Michaels Rogers, Dating Coach and Author
Q. Your new book offers a unique dating approach. Why focus so much on getting a 2nd date? A. If you can’t get past the first date, you won’t be booking a honeymoon anytime soon. The sad thing is there are a lot of wonderful single moms scaring their dates away simply by making careless mistakes on those first dates—like talking too much, obsessing on their ex, talking about marriage or their kids desire for a new father, getting too physical, and so on. So I’ve written an entire book of step by step dating secrets to help you get out there and not only attract men again, but keep them calling you back for as long as you want them to. All you have to do is relax and tweak a few of your old dating patterns and you will transform your dating life without having to change who you are! Put my secrets into practice and instead of stressing about first dates you’ll be happily focusing on getting to know your dates to see if they are worthy of you and your kids! When you do that, 2nd dates become automatic.
Q. How can one back on the dating scene after a long absence adopt this hopeful attitude? A. To adopt this hopeful attitude you have to first love yourself again and believe your worth it! So before you jump back into the world of dating allow yourself time to heal and reflect on where you’ve been. What was missing in your past love life? Single moms, this is your season to squeeze out time to really make it all about you. Love yourself first and deliberately pursue the life you always wanted! Yes, as a single mom, you must seriously consider the needs of your children as well. When you take care of you and come up with what you really want in a relationship before you start dating again, you can weed out the bad guys before you get emotionally involved and before they meet your kids and they get emotionally involved. If you don’t know what you want then you’ll just date whoever takes notice and most likely that is was your problem in the past. Hear me here! There is more to you than a double-duty parent and provider. You are valuable to God and you deserve to have a great relationship that will also be a blessing to your kids. But you have to believe that so you’ll recognize such a relationship when it comes along!
Q. What about women who are recently divorced or widowed? Isn’t it hard to hold back physically when you’re used to not holding back?A. The transition from being married and freely having sex with your spouse to holding back your passion as you jump back into the dating can be difficult for some ladies. But if you are looking for a relationship to develop, you must have restraint! It’s all about self-control. You just have to be tough because getting that second date is about self control and holding back, not about letting loose and putting out. The physical always progresses rather than goes backward. Take it slow so there’s somewhere to go. Besides, the minute the physical takes over, it literally takes over and stops all progress for communication. If you’re pre-occupied with the physical, how can you find out if all the other very crucial characteristics for an appropriate mate for you and father for your kids are present?
Q. You say every woman has an internal “Male GPS.” What is it and how do we use it?A. Available men are everywhere — at the drive-thru, at work, at school, at church, at restaurants, at the mall, the gas station, sporting events, etc. You just have to know what you’re looking for and believe he exists. The Male GPS –male global positioning satellite—is in your mind. Your mind is an extremely power instrument that is always working and wants to be right! When you think about something enough, amazingly it seems to begin appearing everywhere you go. Let’s talk cars as an example. If you want that new blue Honda SUV, of course you believe it exists and it’s on your mind so it suddenly stands out every time one drives by. Just like thinking of your next car, think about what kind of guy you want.
Q. What’s wrong with accepting last minute dates?A. The first 2 dates is when you establish how you expect to be treated without telling him how you want to be treated! If he calls you at the last minute, say something like “I’d love to, but I’ve just got something else going. How about a rain check?’ I don’t care if you’re home doing your laundry. He doesn’t need to know. You’re just not available at the last minute. By this, you’re establishing that you’re worth calling early and you’re worth paying money for a date (even if they’re only buying you coffee). They’re making an effort to spend money on you, because they want to spend quality time with you.”
Q. What are some definite “Do’s” to keep in mind on first dates?A. Here are my five top “Do’s”: 1) Look your best, 2) Put your best self forward, 3) laugh with him, 4) flatter him, look at him, and especially 5) listen to him.I always recommend asking your date a lot of questions about him then truly listening to his answers. He is his own favorite subject, so he’ll be sure to have a great time and besides you WANT the information he reveals so you can figure out if you two are a match long before you are emotionally involved.
Q. Do you have a website or blog with any of these tips for our audience to check out?A. Yes, my website has a lot of additional tips and advice for single moms! Check it out– it’s www.mantokeep.com. You can also order my books learn about my coaching program. I hope I have encouraged you and helped you see that dating does NOT have to be overwhelming, scary and stressful. In fact, believe it or not, you can actually enjoy the process if you take the time to find out what you REALLY want in a man, sharpen your dating skills and protect your little ones hearts by NOT introducing them to dates until you KNOW this is a serious, potentially permanent relationship. There is so much information I’d love to impart to you to make dating less anxiety filled, so feel free to visit my site anytime and/or check out my books Finding a Man Worth Keeping (http://www.findingamanworthkeeping.com/) and The Automatic 2nd Date (http://www.mantokeep.com/date2.html). Victorya Michaels Rogers, Dating Coach, Author The Automatic 2nd Date
I hear this is a wonderful book and I’m anxious to get me a copy and start reading. After going down some deadend paths, maybe this will help.