Setting Boundaries for Your Kids by Lynn Powers

gailshow — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 03:19:01 +0000

During the holidays it can be tempting to let children live out the dream of doing whatever they want, as long as they want, and whenever they want. But does that prepare the child for adulthood? Would you allow them to step outside of boundaries that would put them in harm’s way? Of course not. Consider that the boundaries you establish and enforce are real ways that you make your child safe and prepared for the adult world. In the article below Lynn Powers gives practical pointers to help you set boundaries.

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Lynn Powers is a staff writer for FaithReaders.com, WahmZone.com, and BestChristianForums.com.

[View Lynn Powers's Extended Author Bio]

A two-year old tries to touch something you’ve told him a hundred times is off-limits. A ten-year old goes beyond the perimeters you’ve set for her in the neighborhood. A sixteen year old stays out a half hour past his curfew.

No matter what age your kids are, the boundaries you set for them are bound to be tested. As the parent, the reasons for these restrictions are obvious. You don’t want your toddler to touch an outlet because he might get hurt. You prohibit your ten-year-old to go outside of the neighborhood because of the busy street that lies beyond. You want your sixteen-year-old home at a certain time because of nighttime dangers.

Despite their protests to the contrary, we don’t set boundaries because we’re ogres and want to prevent our kids from having fun. We’re simply trying to protect them. That’s what loving parents do.

Here are three things to keep in mind when setting boundaries for your kids:

1. Create the boundaries. This sounds like a no-brainer but there are many parents who never officially establish boundaries. Then, when their child does something his parents don’t approve of, the child gets in trouble but is left scratching his head, wondering what he did wrong. Kids need specifics. Not just, “Be home after dark,” but “Be home by ten o’clock.”

It may be necessary to make a list of your families specific boundaries and post it in a prominent place so your child can refer to it, if needed, or at least to serve as a reminder in case she “forgets” the rules.

2. Lay out the consequences. Just as important as setting the boundaries is explaining what the consequences will be for crossing them. If kids don’t know beforehand what will happen if they ignore the boundaries, it’s more likely they will test you and take a chance that the result won’t be that bad.

And then, if and when they do cross those boundaries, you won’t be left stressing about it. You’ll know exactly what to do.

3. Boundaries are meant to expand. As your child grows, the boundaries will too. You probably keep your toddler confined to your front yard but your seven-year-old may be allowed to ride her bike three house lengths down the street. A ten-year-old may have the freedom to ride his bike around the block, and you might okay your twelve-year-old’s plea to walk to a friend’s house, several blocks away. Take age, as well as each child’s individual responsibility into consideration, along with his or her history of staying within the boundaries.

Research shows that even though they throw tantrums and fits regarding boundaries they don’t think are fair, kids who are not given guidelines and restrictions while growing up are more likely to have behavior problems. Kids just aren’t wired to handle the responsibility that comes with freedom.

God loves us and lays out plenty of guidelines and restrictions in His Word. Staying within the boundaries God has set for us sets a wonderful example to our kids. Additionally, consistently setting boundaries and sticking to them will ensure that our children will someday realize that we’re not trying to keep something from them but are actually giving something to them. We’re offering them the love and security they’ll need when they’re finally able to spread their wings and fly into the world on their own.

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Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lynn_Powers

Fortified Family: Developing Healthy Interdependence

gailshow — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 02:18:58 +0000

In Going It Alone by Michele Howe and published by Hendrickson this week we focused on creating a spirit of teamwork in the home of the single mother and her children. Michele lists several significant ways to ‘Strengthen Your Families’ Identity.’

Design a chore list. Break down the jobs into daily, weekly, monthly, and occasional sections.
Instill the importance of working together like teammates.
Pray together over family issues.
Attend church and church functions as a family.
Be hospitable to the needy.
Encourage your children to develop their spiritual gifts.
Don’t be afraid to say no.
Have fun together.
Love unconditionally.

We discussed the importance of work for the child’s self-esteem as well as in preparation for the adult world.

I hope if you live in the southeast Texas area you will join us. We meet Sundays 9:15-10:15 at Calder Baptist in Beaumont. However, we will not meet for the next three Sundays due to holiday obligations that I have. We will begin again January 10th with the topic: “Building Bridges: Communicating with Uncooperative People.”

If you have any questions about the class please do email me at singlemoms@smoreforwomen.org

Overcoming Jealousy: Helping Kids from Single Parent Homes Cope

gailshow — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 14:55:48 +0000

In Going It Alone by Michele Howe and published by Hendrickson, we learn ways to encourage our children to express their feelings. So often our kids feel left out or different, not so much as in years past when fewer were from single parent homes. Unfortunately this is commonplace these days. Feelings of jealousy and anger still surface. In her chapter on Jealousy Michele gives several valuable steps.

Discard the “perfect family” myth
Instill the principle of God as the father to the fatherless.
Relate that all people have “empty heart places” that cause pain.
Share biblically the results of being jealous of friends who have two parents.
Encourage married couples and friends of the opposite six to visit.
Make the most of the time available with the noncustodial parent.
Use feelings of anger, jealousy, and bitterness as a springboard to help others.

We hope you will join us in our intimate class for single moms on Sundays at 9:15-10:15 at Calder Baptist in Beaumont, Texas.

[We will not meet December 20th and 27th.]

SMORE is registered

gailshow — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 18:55:42 +0000

YEA! You may have already heard.

We are now registered with the Secretary of the State of Texas as an unincorporated nonprofit. This is not the same as a 501 (c) 3 but it is what we need for the time being.

It’s good news!

Going It Alone by Michele Howe

gailshow — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 00:01:49 +0000

The “Something Smore for Single Mom” class will begin studying the book, Going It Alone by Michele Howe and published by Henrickson Publishers tomorrow, November 29th.

The first chapter is “Tough TImes: When Kids Face Their Pain.” We will post the worksheet questions on the SMORE web site and you may download the PDF there.

There is nothing that gets to a mother more than to see her children in pain whether it be physical or emotional. In some cases divorce is necessary and even beneficial for the safety of both the mom and children. In others loads of emotional pain results.

A few of the points that Michele makes in this chapter are:

Grieving is not wasted time, it’s growing time.
Developing new traditions as a family helps the healing process.
Building a hopeful future is possible.
Reaching out to others in need sets an example of giving.
Cultivating hobbies is therapeutic.

I hope you will join us if you live in the southeast Texas area. If not stay tuned here for more from Going It Alone by Michele Howe.

Time for Giving Thanks

gailshow — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 02:04:03 +0000

I thank God for each of you who have joined me in encouraging single moms. And I’m thankful for the many moms who have become so dear to me!

Have a wonderful day!!

Especially for Single Moms in Southeast Texas

gailshow — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:25:03 +0000

Please join our intimate group for sharing

Going It Alone by Michele Howe

November 29—”Tough Times: When Kids Face Their Pain”

December 6-”Overcoming Jealously: Helping Kids from Single Parent Homes Cope”

More to be announced as we progress.

We meet weekly on Sundays 9:15-10:15

Calder Baptist Church—Beaumont

1005 N. Eleventh Street

(across from Dunkin Donuts)

Nursery Provided

For more information call Gail (409) 721-5953

Troubles

gailshow — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 22:37:18 +0000

“Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things.” – H.W. Beecher

I’m not especially fond of this method, but I must say there is truth in this. It has been some of the most difficult times in my life that have brought me to the best.

Keep looking up.

SMORE Day of Treats November 7, 2009

gailshow — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:23:18 +0000

Photos album posted on my Facebook Wall and Profile.

Single Moms Who Do Too Much

gailshow — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:19:00 +0000

“I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.” – Helen Keller

It may be hard as a single mom to accept that you cannot be all things to all people, especially your children. One solution is to treat the small moments with your children as precious. You may discover they are really ‘great and noble.’ Cherish them.